Who cares for you?
Do any of us really know who out there cares for us most? Being married to a wonderful man, I always assume it has to be Paul. He’s the logical choice.
I don’t kid myself into thinking that my sweet dogs really “care” for me. They want something, and I am the means to that something for them. Food. Getting let out. Drink. Treats. Cooling off when necessary. The occasional ice cube in their water dishes (a new treat we have all just discovered that is ever so much fun!).
I’m not sure they care for me. They care that I wake up every day and are able to attend to them. They care that I pay enough attention to them that I notice when they want to go out, or when they are hungry. I care enough to wipe their paws when they come in from playing in the mud (mainly, though, because they get my floors muddy and I don’t want that).
But do they care for me? I doubt it. They weren’t designed that way. I wish they were, but facing facts, they are dogs and they care more about their own creature comforts than for mine.
So, next in line is my current husband. He shows me in little, almost unrecognizable ways that he does, indeed, care for me. Like when we switched healthcare carriers recently so that I am on his old one and he is on Medicare, and now I am getting a bill for just me which is higher than it was before, and I’m not sure I can afford this every month. I told him about it, and that I’d paid the first installment thru October. About a day later, he sat down on the sofa when he came home from a long day of work, and said, “Oh, by the way, I’ll continue paying for your healthcare. Like I did before.”
OK. Great. That means he has more money coming in each month than I have, but still – that must be part of the caring process, no?
Another way he cares for me, and I’m probably just blowing this all out of proportion, is that he never complains about my cooking. Never. I am not the best cook in the world, or even in the top 4 billion probably. I put a full meal on the table for us every single evening without fail. Unless I have a flu or something that puts me to bed, which has happened only a handful of times in all the years we’ve been married. I know he is a hard-working man, physically spending great energy each and every day out on the ocean, to provide for us, so he deserves a good (mostly) hot (sometimes cold) meal at the end of the day. And I do that but not without noise. I have a running feud with my kitchen. I complain that a devil lives there and is trying to out-wit me at every turn. I scream and rant and rave a lot of times. Paul just shrugs it off and goes about his duties of getting our water glasses filled and keeping the dishwasher filled and emptied.
There are other things he does, too. So yes, he cares for me.
And then there is this other person who seems to care for me. Someone I had no reason to think would still care for me after all these years apart. My ex-husband, Bill. He knows I care for him because every year on his birthday (with maybe only a couple of exceptions) I send him a “happy birthday” e-mail just to wish him a happy day. We correspond very occasionally by e-mail throughout the year, as well. Just to check in on each other. See that all is well, or not well, as the case may be.
I don’t tell him much about my life. He only lives about a mile from my house, and I never see him. I don’t get out too much anyway. But he always lets me know that he has never forgotten about me, and that he will always love me. He says that. And I guess I believe him.
Because today I got an e-mail that was sent by Bill, to me, from the website of the New York Times, all about how Tai Chi can help people with fibromyalgia. You can read it for youself here:
I don’t know that I have fibromyalgia, although it’s a possibility. I hurt all over all the time, and it’s just getting worse, not better. But I don’t tell him that. He sent me this article so I might look into it, doing Tai Chi (the Yang version of it).
He didn’t have to do that. It must mean he cares. Or maybe he has some vested interest in Tai Chi somewhere/somehow. But I doubt it. It came from the heart, that little tip.
I went to Amazon and found two DVDs on the Yang version of Tai Chi – the short version and the long version, and I ordered them.
When I get them, and try it out for myself, I’ll let you know if it works. There is a story in the article he sent me about a woman who lives near here who was very bad off with fibromyalgia, and now she has lost 50 lbs. and feels 90% less body pain after practicing it for a while.
I’d say that if I could gain even half of that success, it would be a small miracle to me.
So, thank you, Bill, for caring enough to write. Now it’s my turn to act on it.