Breathing in and breathing out

Just so you don’t think I fell off the edge of the earth, I didn’t. I’m still here. Just not doing anything interesting enough to write about, that’s all.

Sometimes writing about minutiae (?) is OK, but other times it just feels wrong – this is one of those times.

My friend Mary said she’d like to come get me and get me out of this place for a drive, so hopefully soon I will get out and see some of that world out there. I very rarely go anywhere myself, just not quite strong or steady enough but with Mary I’ll be OK.

I told her I want to go to the beach, see the ocean for a change. After all, we live so close to it but I never see it. The ocean has always been one of my great joys in life but lately, I’ve had to rely on my memory of it. One of the best parts about the ocean is the smell, and that has been lacking these last few years for me. When Paul comes home with a trap to repair, I get the smell of the ocean from that trap for a day or two while he is working on it in the basement, but that’s about it.

After we do our little trip out somewhere, I’ll report back. Until then, I’m just doing my routine stuff here, taking care of my sweet puppers and husband as best I can, and breathing in and breathing out.



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11 Responses to Breathing in and breathing out

  1. TopsyTurvy says:

    Maybe you need to come up to Canada. 😉 DH’s back surgeon actually has a 5 star rating from his patients on the doctor’s rating sites, and from everything DH and I saw and experienced he deserved it.

    DH had a couple of vertebra removed, scraped and then put back in again, with screws to hold them in place. He’s gone from constant sciatic-like pain (more than sciatica but similar) to no pain at all – and that’s saying a lot when you’re 54 years old.


  2. Bex says:

    Nina, I worked in the medical profession for most of my adult life. In hospitals. I’ve seen up close what doctors are like and it’s not just one, it’s all of them. It’s like watching them make sausage and then expecting to go out and eat it. No way!


  3. Nina says:

    Hmm, the problem solver in me wants to take action! I can see why any big time movement would be impossible. Can you do small movements? So that you get some motion? Small victories? And rather than seeing a doctor, would a physical therapist help teach you certain small movements you could do at home?

    Of course, I haven’t even a tenth of what you have, but I do have some of all that you describe (though not the extra vertebra and my knees aren’t shot yet).
    No movement kills me — it just freezes everything.

    The other thought is that one bad doctor is not reason enough to throw out the profession. Can you ask friends whom they see and like? It’s your choice to say no to what they suggest, but it seems that you may want to sift through some possibilities and options. People who go through knee surgeries tend to praise the end result.

    Anyway, I hate to think of you in constant pain and believe me, I do sympathize with the whole wanting to avoid spending time in doctor’s offices. I’ve done too much of that already. Way too much. Precious hours, given over to endless waiting, tests, waiting… ufff!


  4. Bex says:

    It’s complicated Nina, but I was born with an extra lumbar vertebra that has caused problems for me all my life. There isn’t enough room in my spine for everything there so the older I get, the more compressed things are there. That is probably pinching on nerves because I’ve had sciatica for years now and more problems from my lower back down my leg lately including hip area. I have been diagnosed with end stage osteoarthritis of my knee which I’m sure I have all over – but only had one MRI of left knee and will NEVER do that again! It’s a catch 22 thing, I can’t move much so don’t exercise, and I don’t exercise so can’t move much. I refuse to go on a diet because life would not be worth living if I couldn’t eat what I like, but I don’t eat that much anyway. I just can’t lose weight because I can’t exercise, and I can’t exercise because it hurts too much everywhere. I refuse to spend my life in doctors’ offices and having tests ad nauseum, so this is what I am left with.

    Does that give you a good picture?


  5. Nina says:

    Bex, do you mind if I ask — do you know what’s wrong with you, meaning what’s causing all your pain?


  6. Bex says:

    It’s not that I can actually walk and am just dizzy, it’s more that my spine is degenerated to the point of being very painful just to be upright on my feet, even lying in bed is very painful. Walking a few feet hurts a lot and trying to get out the door down the driveway to get the mail each day is an adventure in mind-over-pain control. All my joints hurt like bloody hell when I stand up but it’s my spine that’s the real problem. And don’t suggest doctors because that won’t fly with me. I’m a stubborn old coot about them and probably know more stuff about the medical profession than is good for me, so I’m not going that route.


  7. mz. em says:

    Well, I’m with Sandy because if you lived here, I would be taking you around to show you the sights.

    I have seen the folks here in my area using the walking sticks. I use my one stick and it sure makes a difference with me. I wonder how I would do using my two canes?

    Well, enjoy your days.


  8. TopsyTurvy says:

    Bex, one of my neighbors has balance issues. What she’s done is she’s gotten herself a couple of those Nordic walking poles. In the last year she’s gone from slow walks to power walking with them. I bet with the added stability you could really add to your ability to get around.


  9. sandy from iowa says:

    Yes Miles do keep us apart but we sure have great memorys of being together for real on our trip to England and another time we shared together.
    If I lived close you would be saying..Ok I want to stay home today…I love to go and would be dragging you all over 🙂


  10. Bex says:

    I know Sandy…you are such a gem. All that separate us are those darn miles… so many miles. Thank goodness we have the web though. It keeps us close.


  11. sandy from iowa says:

    If I lived close to you I would have you out and about as offen as you was up to it …My heart aches for you and all the pain you have…makes it hard to do the things you love to do.


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