Dear(est) Abby…

It was Paul who alerted me to this recent publication of “Dear Abby” in the newspaper today.  He brought it out for me to read saying, “This could have been written by YOU!”

And he is so right (with a very few minor exceptions).

This is from the “Dear Abby” column in today’s Salem News:

DEAR ABBY:  My husband and I have been together for 40 years.  Like most people, we’ve had our good times and bad, but we’ve both been committed to the marriage, and so we’ve made it work.

Now I’m faced with a problem for which I see no solution.  My husband refuses to learn to use a computer.  He knows nothing about computers, not even how to turn one on!

As you know, computers are now key to even the most fundamental tasks.  That means, as the only computer user in the house, all tasks are MY responsibility. Banking, bill paying, communications with family, friends, lawyers, financial advisers, arrangements for social events, business meetings, medical appointments, travel and other activities are totally up to me.  He does NONE of it!  He washes the dishes and takes out the trash, but any function that requires brains and technology are totally left to me.

I’m tired!  Is this fair?  I’ve asked many times for him to go to our public library and take lessons on computer use, but he adamantly refuses.  How do I handle this?


(and Abby’s response):

DEAR ALL ON YOU:  After 40 years you are not going to change your husband, so appreciate the things he does do.  I know you’re tired and it may not seem fair, but grit your teeth and forge ahead.

You have no idea how lucky you really are.  Many wives know little or nothing about the family finances.  If something unforeseen happens to their husbands, they are left scrambling to learn about realities for which they are not equipped.

P.S. Consider asking your husband what he would do in the case of YOUR sudden death.  He, too, would be left completely adrift.  It couldn’t hurt to warn him.

We certainly had a good old laugh over this!  We’ve only been together for 31 years, not 40, and he does way more around here than wash the dishes and take out the trash (for which I am eternally thankful, believe me!).  Without him, we could not have a dog!  Belle would never have adopted us!  Without him, I could never have taken up this time-consuming and sometimes over-indulgent hobby of crocheting all the time!  Without him, we would never have flown across the pond to our beloved England and Scotland eight times over the course of our married years… which gave us memories to last forever.  Without him I would never have known the love of two Great Pyrenees doggers, named Esmeralda and Nicodemus, and neither would I have ever been graced with the love and companionship of the rest of the Crowell family, i.e. Muffin Collie-Flower, Jasmine Rose, Whitby, Emmalee, Kip, and now the most wonderful collie girl, Belle.

weekend and monday 026.JPG

Without all these things in my life, what would be the point?

Yes, my wonderful lobsterman husband does not know how to turn on a computer, or, for that matter, the TV, the radio, or the DVD player!  When his radio/alarm clock loses power, I have to help him reprogram it.  Setting all the digital clocks in the house is always MY job after a power failure.  Each time I want to go to bed early (which only happens a few times a year) and he wants to stay and see the end of a show, I’ll have to go over all the directions on which buttons to push on the remotes, etc.  It’s always a learning experience all over again when it happens.

All that said, I wouldn’t trade him for all the Don Juans in the world, all the computer savvy guys out there, or all the football-game-loving jocks.  He’s just right for me.  I love him just the way he is.  And I always will.


Bex & Co.

KODAK Digital Still Camera

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10 Responses to Dear(est) Abby…

  1. CYTOTEC ASLI says:

    My dear spouse can use a computer perfectly well and uses one in his work every day, but somehow manages to be completely ignorant about how to receive and pay bills online. I have lists that I keep for my best friend, who I know will get stuck helping him deal with it.


  2. WendyNC says:

    My dear spouse can use a computer perfectly well and uses one in his work every day, but somehow manages to be completely ignorant about how to receive and pay bills online. I have lists that I keep for my best friend, who I know will get stuck helping him deal with it.


  3. sbose2017 says:

    I think you and Paul have a wonderful relationship. But now that lobster season is over, how does he occupy himself in the off months?


    • Bex says:

      Winter at Crow Cottage is “challenging” for us. Stuck in the house together for long cold months… but we have a way to deal with it. He spends winters working on his fishing gear, i.e. traps, building new ones and repair all the old ones, cleaning and repainting all his buoys (3 coats of 3 different colors for each one), and organizing all the rope that goes into the traps. Getting all the “heads” knitted himself and installed — all that takes a huge amount of time. He works usually from early (7 am) until suppertime with only a lunch break…down in the basement doing lobster work. He does not get the winter “off.”

      Liked by 1 person

  4. blb1 says:

    Love it dear lady, your answer that is. I have had to take on the financial and big car decisions now. My dear husband of 57 yrs. has entered the early dementia stage. He will be 80 in January.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Lovely entry Bex!

    I love your “I could never” list, you know how blessed you are.

    I can really relate to this! It wasn’t until we moved to Mist Cottage, just over two years ago, that Attila began to use a computer at work (very specialized and specific usage, not much in the way of tranferrable skills), and I insisted that he also have an iPad, which he now uses to read the news, from newspapers all over the world, but not much else. I fear for him if something happens to me, because he wouldn’t know how to begin with any of the online things that keep this household ticking along, but he doesn’t worry about it all, just says, “I’d be fine.”

    Liked by 1 person

    • Bex says:

      I guess it goes both ways – I’d be lost without him and, as he’s told me on many occasions, he would be lost without me. That’s a little scary but what are the odds that we will both go at the same time? So one of us will be “lost” – I just wish he could carry on in a modern world but that’s not going to happen. He does have a flip-phone that he takes with him on the boat or driving places, but he keeps it turned off unless he has to make a call. That’s about as modern as it gets on his side of things.


  6. bobbie ingersoll says:

    I have known college professors and doctors who threw actual tantrums trying to learn technology. They’d have to basically stop their work in order to learn new software, again and again. Some people caught on quickly to this stuff, others didn’t. I was one of the ‘others.’ Neither do I like digital anything. I think you and Paul have the perfect symbiotic relationship: he brings home the bacon, (er, lobster) and you deal with the technology. I must say, though, that as frustrating as it gets, it’s still a love-hate relationship I have with computers. And I’m curious as to why he’s not at least a bit curious.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Bex says:

      Paul is the least “curious” person I have ever met. He could not care less about anything he doesn’t already know! Except for his British magazines and reading about Brits and Yorkshire in particular.


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