It was Paul who alerted me to this recent publication of “Dear Abby” in the newspaper today. He brought it out for me to read saying, “This could have been written by YOU!”
And he is so right (with a very few minor exceptions).
This is from the “Dear Abby” column in today’s Salem News:
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been together for 40 years. Like most people, we’ve had our good times and bad, but we’ve both been committed to the marriage, and so we’ve made it work.
Now I’m faced with a problem for which I see no solution. My husband refuses to learn to use a computer. He knows nothing about computers, not even how to turn one on!
As you know, computers are now key to even the most fundamental tasks. That means, as the only computer user in the house, all tasks are MY responsibility. Banking, bill paying, communications with family, friends, lawyers, financial advisers, arrangements for social events, business meetings, medical appointments, travel and other activities are totally up to me. He does NONE of it! He washes the dishes and takes out the trash, but any function that requires brains and technology are totally left to me.
I’m tired! Is this fair? I’ve asked many times for him to go to our public library and take lessons on computer use, but he adamantly refuses. How do I handle this?
IT’S ALL ON ME IN NEW YORK
(and Abby’s response):
DEAR ALL ON YOU: After 40 years you are not going to change your husband, so appreciate the things he does do. I know you’re tired and it may not seem fair, but grit your teeth and forge ahead.
You have no idea how lucky you really are. Many wives know little or nothing about the family finances. If something unforeseen happens to their husbands, they are left scrambling to learn about realities for which they are not equipped.
P.S. Consider asking your husband what he would do in the case of YOUR sudden death. He, too, would be left completely adrift. It couldn’t hurt to warn him.
We certainly had a good old laugh over this! We’ve only been together for 31 years, not 40, and he does way more around here than wash the dishes and take out the trash (for which I am eternally thankful, believe me!). Without him, we could not have a dog! Belle would never have adopted us! Without him, I could never have taken up this time-consuming and sometimes over-indulgent hobby of crocheting all the time! Without him, we would never have flown across the pond to our beloved England and Scotland eight times over the course of our married years… which gave us memories to last forever. Without him I would never have known the love of two Great Pyrenees doggers, named Esmeralda and Nicodemus, and neither would I have ever been graced with the love and companionship of the rest of the Crowell family, i.e. Muffin Collie-Flower, Jasmine Rose, Whitby, Emmalee, Kip, and now the most wonderful collie girl, Belle.
Without all these things in my life, what would be the point?
Yes, my wonderful lobsterman husband does not know how to turn on a computer, or, for that matter, the TV, the radio, or the DVD player! When his radio/alarm clock loses power, I have to help him reprogram it. Setting all the digital clocks in the house is always MY job after a power failure. Each time I want to go to bed early (which only happens a few times a year) and he wants to stay and see the end of a show, I’ll have to go over all the directions on which buttons to push on the remotes, etc. It’s always a learning experience all over again when it happens.
All that said, I wouldn’t trade him for all the Don Juans in the world, all the computer savvy guys out there, or all the football-game-loving jocks. He’s just right for me. I love him just the way he is. And I always will.
Bex & Co.